Caged in a Headset

I like that one local commercial that tackles about how technology had bridge communication but somehow blocks real and face to face encounter which is the purest way to connect with anyone. How about tagging, liking and bringing a news or conversation personally to someone? This will seem to be pushing a little effort as what is perceived to be the now "conventional way" is how we do it with the aid of technology. 

This is something that I can connect as well to my daily life as a commuter. Be it in Manila or Singapore, I noticed that many people are always on their headsets while walking, riding the bus or taking the MRT. I guess people uses music/movies/series to help them get through their destination by playing around with time specially if travel takes long journey or it relaxes them...giving them better vibes and energy for the day ahead. Whatever their reason, I see nothing wrong with it, after all it is non of my business : )

As for me, I never like the idea of putting the headset from the moment I step out of the door of the house. I feel like every time that I am outside I should communicate with the outside world. I love hearing the sounds created by the winds when blowing some fallen leaves on the ground. The sounds of the birds is pure music to my ears and ALL movements that I am seeing while walking is a great visual for my eyes. Love smiling at the baby next to me in the MRT or Bus ride, some random chit chat with a fellow passengers is nice as well. This things and more is part of my daily routine which I would not trade for headsets as I value so much the connection with nature and people around me when I am on the go. I feel like the world is way too huge to be caged in a headset.

However, when the outside world becomes very crowded, I would then lock my door and turn into my headset so I could explode in beats and pick the bits and pieces of my shattered soul.

The Irony of Sitio Kaunlaran (Prosperity)

On the way attending a wedding more than a year ago, I noticed a place that is very familiar with me. A part of me that I tried to deny for a certain period of time until it had surfaced into my very face once more. 

Yes, it was that Sitio...where I had been and promised myself not to be anywhere near anymore, ever again. A motivation that pushes myself to the limits to always strive the best way I can.

Before the car totally passed by the area, I had the courage to took a picture of the path way of the place called Sitio Kaunlaran. I wasn't sure then what I would do with the picture, not until I decided to blog about. It was still the same place almost 18 years since we left that place. And I know for sure that what's inside the area remains to be almost the same as it was since there was a time that I passed by as well in the area when I was jogging and reach that place. I told a running buddy to come to the direction where I am going...then I told a story.

And it goes something like this...

Sitio Kaunlaran (Prosperity) is actually an irony of what it is all about. It is a land where hundreds of families tried to build a dream home in a land not their own. A Squatter's haven that is. I was a young boy on a 4th grade when we moved to this place. My mom would always tell us someday soon that place would gonna look better. Different  from its current state then. Most of the houses were made of coco lumber. NO electricity, no water supply and the roads are not cemented which can be so muddy as it can be during rainy seasons...and yes flooding too was a reality in our area. Being from the civilized Makati, this was horrible but somehow we had lived with it as we need to vacate the city for some reasons. 

I have so much memories about that place. I was a kid when I arrived, I admired my dad on how good he is in building our own house. He was able to build as well other houses including some of those of our relatives. I was amazed on how pieces of woods can form a house and a home. How a carpenter be so perfect in building houses but not a home. I spent my adolescent years in this place. I had my first crush with the young pretty girl from Mindoro...Bunining. We had great neighbors, and my family soon enough was able to build relationships with them. If there is one thing I can vividly recall from this place is that people who are at the bottom are the most sincere and genuine creatures. It was a very peaceful place at first but soon enough there were news of murderers and their victims. It was infiltrated by people who had brought dilemma to the society.

Just like any other land being squatted, there is always as well threat from demolitions, good thing it never come near us. To say that this place is occupied by the poorest of the poor could be an exaggeration as there are professionals as well living in the area. Some are employed like our soldier and policeman neighbors and is able to have enough food 3 times a day.As for us? It was not always the story. There were days that we do not have enough resources and life was at its hardest during those period.  

Honestly speaking, I didn't know how we were able to survive that challenge. We never had television for more than four years. Our light at night would be an improvised lamp which would last only at a limited time so best to do homework at school until there is a natural light. There was even a point wherein our house become very weak and as it battles through storms, we would be struggling to keep it standing. But, of all this...me and my sisters never complained. Perhaps in those trying times we had to make sure that we taught ourselves the value of staying positive that someday soon things would change and a new beginning will unfold. 

True enough...we had managed to get out of Sitio alive. I can still clearly remember the last of the day that I was there. I was looking at our house. I was looking at the house of our neighbors...I was looking as far as my eyes can see. I know, I will surely miss the place but definitely I had this strong conviction that never again I will go back there.  

I would say that Sitio Kaunlaran was a teacher of that young boy. He was stuffed of so many important realizations from the place that once had embraced him and his family when they needed a home to comfort them. It was not the most pleasing one, but its beauty lies beyond what the superficial world could offer. In the looks of the shabby houses...Sitio offers you to come in and just like a very hospitable host it will offer the most of what it can provide you which should keep one thirsty to reach for one's supreme potential. THE GIFT of DREAMING and MAKING IT HAPPEN.

Truth is, I left Sitio Kaunlaran some 18 years ago. But it had never left me.

The Door @ Block 605, Bedok

I took this photo a few days before I moved out of the house. My first home in Singapore. The witness how little by little I adjustmed myself on living alone... far from home. 

When I was in college I had thought of going into a dorm so I could experience independent living but it was not practical then because of my family's financial standing. I had to choose the nearest university in our city which I never regret by now.

When I started working then, I had always thought as well of getting my own place so I can stand on my own but being the bread winner of my family I do not have the extra resources for that. So, it goes without saying that for the past 29 years of my life, I had been and always been with my family. I never experienced independent living though I grew up making decisions on my own.

I had never been on my own so people around me, when they heard the news that I am flying to Singapore for a job had constantly reminded me to always take care of myself because family and friends has been very accustomed in reminding me things that I should. Such a baby!

Going to Singapore, is more of an adventure for me. All of a sudden I just have myself to take care of me. For the longest time, I wasn't washing my clothes, not even my underware...I don't know to cook but pasta and some simple stuffs. These, among all other things that I ususally ask other people to do in behalf of me is now something I can say that I have ownership with.

I could say that I adjusted well on that aspect, but the most humbling experience I could say is living with people who are strangers to me and to share the space of the bedroom with two other folks. For the longest time I had not shared a room and I am used to have my bedroom as my personal space when I am at home. (That is until I got married ofcourse)

Since the home rental price in Singapore is very high, I had to look for the best option on how to minimize my cost. Even so, roomsharing had cost me also twice the starting salary I got from my first employer in Manila.

True enough, it has been a challenge since you don't have so much of the privacy when you are doing a room sharing. Sometimes at the middle of the night, you'll woke up since roomates are still talking and it will disturb the poor me who's bed is position in the middle of two other roomates. Eversince I started working, my room as well has been my saving grace from a very tiring day and I usually enjoy the peace of being alone in that place until I had released my stress. Not anymore...However this is something I learned to accept and deal with knowing that sooner I will moved out and find my own place, an own room for that matter.

The door of that house has welcomed numerous people. Infact, during my stay in that house I cannot count with my available fingers in my hand how many had move in and moved out of that unit. Each and everyone has his own story. But in the end can be summarized into one thing. That dream of working here in Singapore.

There is a interesting range of age.  Some are in their early twenties, but one of my room mate is already a senior citizen who after being bored during his visit here in the country decided to take a part time job and later on landed a job. Some housemates had already obtained permanent residency and some had just been barely a week when I arrived. Some are already loosing hope as the social visa is already about to expire but had not found work yet. Some have stayed already here in like two to three years. Different profiles, different stories...I learned so much from this guys.

Now that I had decided to leave already and started to pack my things, I told myself that my bed had served its purpose to me. Now, it is going to wait for its new master. It will ever be ready for a new adventure. But first, the new "visitor" will have to pass through the same door I get into in...

Acting Like a Mute

Cuando algunos gritos mudos, no se puede reconocer. Cuando llora en la lluvia, nadie se da cuenta. y luego se hace pasar por muda de nuevo, cuando el silencio aparece. Por último, los ojos le devuelve la sonrisa como el último de la cascada las gotas de lluvia.

I don't know if google has able to translate it correctly but what my mind is actually saying is... 

When a mute shouts, no one can recognize. When he cries in the rain, no one realizes. and then he pretends to be mute again, when silence appears. Finally, his eyes smiles back as the last of the raindrops falls. 

Farewell NTeB

A week from now will mark my 3rd year in NTeB if I am still connected with the company. And its almost a year since I step out of Net Quad building to pursue a better career.

My career in NTeB, I would say has thought me numerous lessons and presented me opportunities to grow and learn. It was very challenging, fun and worthy experience.

I miss my NYK family...when I resigned I surprised my team with a video presentation I created as a goodbye message for them. Something that people you would be leaving behind would normally do but being a proactive employee as I am... I did  initiated the act : ) LOL

Anger Management

We must not open our mouth when we are ANGRY...instead open our mind to understand other people, ourselves and the situation we are in. You can always apologize at the end with due cause but fragments on damaged relationship caused by sharp words cannot be healed overtime... leaving a tattoo on someone else mind.

OFW Diaries Vol 1

A few days from now I will mark my six months stay here in Singapore. Six months?everything happened so fast. I didn't realize that it has been that long.

4th of December when I arrived. A place that has always caught my imagination. I had always dream of working here. I know a lot of people from my previous companies that had opted to work in Singapore as it has been a very favorable place. A relatively safe and peaceful environment, better pay to provide a more decent life and the power to come back anytime in the Philippines for a vacation, even just weekends will do. These and more are the things that Singapore can offer.

My journey in Singapore has proven to me very exiting. Before the plane landed, I was very keen to look at the aerial view of the country. When I was in the cab on the way to my apartment, I was looking all over the place. The taxi driver smiled and asked me..."You are new here?" I just smiled. I had been so obvious as usual as I would not know how to hide my emotions.

I conditioned my mind before I left Manila that there will be many adjustments which I shall face once I am here. New work environment, new housemates whom I actually do not know, and a brand new lifestyle I am not accustomed. I always have someone to look after me back home. Now, its all me. I need to cook my food, wash the dishes, do my laundry, iron my clothes, do the grocery and budget my finances.

I would always be grateful for the opportunities that this place offers me. It's people as well has been so good with me. Sometimes at the hawker center I would meet some locals and they would exchange conversations. In the lift of my apartment, I would always receive a smile when I happen to share it with them. 

Being here, fulfilling a lifelong dream has its ups and down. Now you realize that you had better purchasing power and at the same time, there's just so many things that cannot be compensated by it. The family gatherings that you'll missed, the birthday celebrations of friends and night outs you cannot attend, the laughter and cry of my daughter,  not to mention that milestones in her infant life that I totally missed out, and of course... I just missed my lovely wife so much that if only I literally have wings I would have flown back home just to kiss and hug her.

But I'm hanging on, I know someday my baby and my wife will be here as well to be with me.

Ang Buhay

Today, I was told that a friend of my kumare passed away who I think in his late 20's. I don't personally know him but I just got so affected with the news. I guess I am one with everyone in saying no one should die at such age when all the possibilities are still at the verge of happening.

Kaya dapat talaga mahalin natin buhay natin,kung may mali dito...gawan mo ng paraan, kung kay gusto ka, ituloy tuloy mo, i enjoy natin lahat ng pangit at magandang nangyayari, araw araw magpasalamat sa biyaya ng muling pagkagising. Matuto mag sorry kung kinakailangan o kahit na hindi kailangan kung hinihingi ng pagkakataon, pilitin gawin ang tama at iwasan ang mali, tantanan ang mga bagay na patuloy na nagpapasakit ng kalooban mo at bigyan ng pansin ang ilang aspeto ng buhay na may potensyal, wag gawing big deal ang di naman big deal, tignan kung ano ang maganda sa pangit, gumising na may ngiti at pumikit sa gabi na naka ngiti pa rin, kumain ng tama at wasto, ilabas sa sistema ang mga negatibong enerhiya.

Kasi isa lang buhay natin, hindi ito kagaya ng super mario brother game na nilalaro natin nun bata pa tau. Pag na dead ka, di mo na pwedeng ulitin simula level one.

THOUGHTS ON FACEBOOK

Facebook has been for years the outlet of many people in speaking of their minds, just like others I would rant, laugh, tell stories, shout a shout out and play around in Facebook.

Unlike others who thinks what you say should be moderated and be adjusted to the tune of other users of the site... I believe that people who are bold in giving thoughts, opinions and experiences in FB should not be bothered and be allowed to do the way they want to do it. At any rate, it is one's character that is revealed in every action you make therein. Your posts... as always is a reflection of who are you as a person.

I never liked timeline when it arrived unannounced at my page, I was just pushed to accept the new lay out just like most of us did. But eventually, I learned to be accustomed to it and one thing I learned in timeline is you can go back to certain months and years of your FB life. It was fun looking back at old posts, pictures and stories in different era of your life.

I was browsing my page timeline and I realized that facebook has also served as my online diary.. I checked my shout outs and here are some of my most memorable thoughts I had shared about how I feel about life in general.

April 27, 2012

Homesickness? I guess no one gets over it, neither get used to it...I guess you just deny and ignore it. T _ T

 Top of Form

Bottom of Form

April 14, 2012

Let the children be children so they would know to act their age when they grow up... 

 April 7, 2012

Dear God, please help me digest the unspoken words that echoes so loud at the back of my mind. May you give me broader mind-set to comprehend and please guide me through...

September 25, 2010

Genuine friendship does not seek confirmation. It has an open ending question how long and how far things could go. You just let them stay as long as they want and never ask who your true friends are. Because it is not in asking that you will find answer, it is merely by observing who are with you whenever you are on top and whenever you are hitting the bottom.

Top of Form

Feb 24, 2010

I think a women is most beautiful when she would not go beyond her means to look attractive : )

Nov 7, 2009

Once in a while we tend to hate ourselves. We just don’t like the way we utter a word, did something wrong and became totally such a mess…but at the end of the day what matters is you bounce back thinking that tomorrow is another chance to do things right.

Top of Form

REFLECTION

The moment you learn to accept yourself the way you are and embraced all of your good and bad bones is the moment you start living a life.

From then on, you wouldn't be needing approval from the people around you to confirm how great or terrible you are...you wouldn't be clinging for sense of belonging as you used to do when you were younger.


Because you would realize that as much as you had accepted the good and bad in you, you had as well accepted all the good and bad that runs on your circle.

A Journey to a Greener Pasture

Ever since I was a kid, I had always seen myself someday working abroad. Perhaps, growing up  seeing relatives back and forth in the country for vacation made me realized as early as that age that greener pasture awaits someone who works in a foreign land.

Relatives would always have something for us...toys, imported goods and foods, chocolates and the aroma of the country they had been. I saw happy faces, full of wonderful stories and experiences from the places that they had been and would be in after the vacation is over. I was a witness how tall their dreams were and how they created realities out of it. 

"I would be like them...someday." I would constantly tell the young Dennis.

I was privileged to had worked with multi national companies in my years of career back in Manila. It had contributed much in how I had been competent in my field. But I don't see myself being an employee all throughout my life. I loved my previous jobs and I could say without a doubt that I gave my very best to fulfill duties and responsibilities assigned at my hand.

But waking up early morning has always been a struggle on my part...ever since I never like the idea of being a worker as I felt that it somehow limits my world from doing what I like to do in life which is more inclined to media  and arts. Something that I would want to do not as a profession but a diversion of my thoughts and ideas, same time cultivate the talents I assume I have. It has to take back seat as the reality of life pushes me to find a decent job to provide to my needs and of my family.

So...I am always delighted to fast track my corporate lifestyle. When I was graduating from college, I set a limit as to when and how old I am to work and then afterwards pursue a business so I can have more control over my time. But my projections proved to be miscalculated. Now, I see myself retiring at a conservative age bracket of early 40's.

Something I cannot do if I choose to pursue a nice and happy career life in Manila. I know there are possibilities working back home. Career opportunities awaits those who waits and does his best at his work. Yet working abroad has always been an option. There has been some attempts previously from my part to try my luck and there was even a chance that almost materialized when I was chosen by an employer for a position I applied in Dubai, U.A.E. Unfortunately, it was in 2009 which is the same year the world economic has became vivid in that dream land. The offer got cancelled.

I was so disappointed and really felt bad that it didn't materialized. You know the feeling of almost having a well desired toy when you are young but parents decided not to buy it just when they are already at the counter about to pay for it?Questions...a lot of questions and and world was suddenly filled with Why's and What if's.

Days passed and I learned to accept such reality and just programmed my mind that something better will came along. It was only now that I realized that everything that had happen then was for a purpose. I had to stay so I'll be more focused and competent from the career that I am going to face once I am abroad. As there should be no going back once you step in that foreign country. It's a do or die. I needed more experience to withheld  the pressure and the demands of having to learn new things and consequently adjusting to new environment and different level and set of people, in addition to homesickness no O.F.W. has ever evaded. Not to mention, I believe that God does not want me to go just like that, He wanted to make sure I will not be eaten up  of the darkness  of the nights and lights of the country I'll be in. He gave me a present. He gave me a family to make sure that at the end of the day, I should always be reminded to go back home.

It was March 11, 2011 when a tsunami occurred Japan, a very sad day at the office seeing how drastic the catastrophe. It is also a day when I felt like a bomb was dropped at my email account. I received a confirmation that I had been short listed for a position I applied for Singapore. I cannot contain my happiness and was very happy to attend the interview and examination process. During that time everyone is busy in the office for some projects. I think because of this and all other things I am going through personally I was not really on my elements when I read the interview schedule. The day I perceived as March 15  actually took place a day prior. I wanted to blame myself for not reading the details the second time around. But, as always I don't like the idea on focusing on my stupidity. After all, every one gets stupid at one point and one way or the other.

The Agency told me to keep an eye in the next few months for the next screening. I was very obedient. I did as I was told. Then one fine Friday of July, I was browsing through my mobile internet on new job posts from different overseas agencies websites. I came across that agency and got really exited when I saw an opening that was posted in March 2011. I told myself..."This is it, this is for me!" Without saying a word, I went upstairs Market Market Mall, went on the nearest computer shop and dropped my email application. I knew I would receive a call. Monday came, Tuesday passed and so is Wednesday I was growing weary why no such notifications, I would nervously check my phone for SMS and my email for any reply but none. I kept the positive outlook and believed I would received a call. A week after, I was scheduled for the interview and examination.

Then I had to recheck, double check and counter check the date and time for the examination and interview. When I arrived, the room was full of applicants, and the employer is already in a hurry as he has to catch a flight. I answered the examination the best I can without taking a toll on time pressure, I needed to do it precisely.

August 5, 2011. I received two good news, first my wife gave birth to a beautiful healthy girl and second, I was scheduled for an interview. I had some troubles answering some questions with the group call interview via skype but I think I was able to answer most of the questions the best I could. I had to wait for the confirmation and a week after I had an offer. I was very Happy. Very very happy.

It was high time that said opportunity knocks at my door. I need it to sustain a good and decent lifestyle for my family. I filed my resignation and was expecting to fly late September that year since my contract stipulates that I should commence my 1st day of duty October. For some technical difficulties encountered in my applications caused in Phil embassy, I was told by the agency that my flight has been delayed and was informed to stand by. I waited, one week. Two weeks and more weeks. I was praying hard. "Not again...not this time." I was saying nervously. I was having conversations and discussions with God, stating my position and why I need this badly and how I will be grateful if it happens. That was scary. I was already jobless. I am nowhere to go. Financial obligations is moving like flowing water...the milk, the diapers and medical bills and my family is also in need of support I cannot provide that time.

It was only until last week of November that I was able to confirm my flight. After numerous follow ups and prayers. Finally, my flight was confirmed. Dec 3, 2011.

It was rainy afternoon when a plane landed in Singapore the said date. I smiled, finally a dream is now a reality. 

Orgasm of Life

"Children are orgasm of life. Like you don't know what orgasm was before you had one. Nature does not let you know how great children are until you actually have them."

I love my tumbler, perhaps its the color that attracted me to bought it. But what is interesting about it is that there are numerous quotes printed therein. The one that caught my attention the most would be what is shown above.

The first time I read it, I thought it was funny but digging deeper into what the message is trying to convey I could say I can totally relate to what it is trying to imply.

My wife and I had Dennise Lourraine unexpectedly. We were not prepared for her. But God made it a lot easier for us as He guide us through, all the way. There were questions like "Am I ready?" How to be prepared?" But He showed us the way, He worked in a way I could never imagine possible. Things fall into its proper places, but God demanded that I do my part it making it happen. That was a journey so challenging and at the same time very rewarding.

When I look back, I can see that God instructed me to do many things I do not understand at all, but I just followed. Then He gave me a gift, a reward I had to work hard so I may prove my worth.

For the longest time, I knew there is a hole in my heart, there is a piece of me missing and there is a thing in me longing for something I really cannot explain the cause of which. I had tried to compensate and deal with it in a way I wasn't sure is suppose to work. I took chances. I search for it inside myself, and make the most out of me so I would have a sense of fulfillment and completeness, I search for it by connecting to people around me, associated myself with events and places that I had been but the hole just dig deeper and deeper.

When I heard the first cry of my baby, I finally get an answer to a life long journey of finding that missing article of myself. I told myself, now I am complete. Without saying a word, I realized that the journey has ended and just begun anew.

Suddenly, it is not just all about me, about how I will react towards the stimuli around me, with the advent of this chapter of my life, I now sense that I need to sort it out the best way to deal with it even if all along I have this conviction that I am doing things the right way and that I am perfectly fine. Yet, it has to be validated by now.

He has given me so many wonderful presents in different forms, mediums and presentations.

Undeniably, combined them all together does not equate to having Dennise Lourraine in my Life.

My precious little one.

The Blogger in Me...Resurrected

I almost forgot that I do maintain a blog. I never got a single chance to revisit it for a year. I browse articles that I wrote and yesterday's fragrances all came back.

A taste of bitter, sweet memories encapsulated in those blog entries made me wanna smile. Just like painting, which I love to do during my younger years now... I unconsciously gave up writing which I used to do as my flush system for all that I felt before.

Perhaps, my world has taken a toll on my time. 2011 was such a blast! There were a lot of things that I kept on waiting and got tired of waiting because they never really happened and never really materialized... only to found out that it will strike my world like giant meteorites all at the same time.

Too hot to handle, but I carried on. Never was easy. Seems impossible and no way out but was possible. In fact, confidants who knew the tunnel of the stories were at some point speechless and couldn't find the right words to say when they felt they needed to say something. I never thought I would be enough to take care of all the trials, challenges and blessings. But with Divine grace, I was able to pull it off with angst and ironically with humility.

I again looked back on those previous blog entries, a saw a connection to the person that was and a person that I am today. The missing pieces, the intricate questions about life and the enormous emotional baggage that was once there is not totally gone but everything became clearer, lighter and more oriented.

I am now living a fuller life, living on my dreams...But my journey towards greater sense of awareness I believed did not started in 2011. Genesis goes back to a slam area where this young boy was wide awake and dreaming that life will soon began to have a fantastic face lift. Vivid memories of past made him observe that potent brain cells alone is not a guaranteed ticket to success but must be coupled with perseverance and trust in God. Pain is temporary and lessons learned from it is eternal. Life for him was not a bed of roses until at some point I saw the young man almost losing hope and get tired of it all. But he never gave up, for whatever it takes he just walk on. Until he met 2011. He was presented with answers to life's questions. He became a better person by putting down the biggest challenges he has been through.

This is the reason perhaps why I advocate positive attitude towards life. No matter what one is going through in his life, if that person will only realize the value and virtue of faith, trust and perseverance things will fall into its proper place... in God's time, not in ours.

I just now suddenly found myself again writing...and I am so exited to paint new chapters of my life with words that are moving around at the core of my heart and mind.