Thursday, January 22, 2009

What day is it?


Hawak kamay mu na binitawan mu pa…andyan na tinatalikuran mu pa kasi kala mo hindi ka pa handa.

Hindi mu rin naman masisisi ung sarili mo kasi isang sobrang masakit na nakaraan ung pinag daanan mu. Na sa sobrang sakit pinipili mong manatili na lang sa alala mu ung kahapon na yun para lagi mong maaalala na hindi laging totoo na masaya lagi ang ending gaya ng imaheng nais iproject ng media. Kasi ung sau…akala mu hindi na matatapos ung mga masasayang oras, pero it had to end. Pinilit mong ayusin pero hindi na talaga naayos. Binigay mu lahat kahit na ung hindi mu na kayang ibigay, just to make it work…hindi mu alam na offset mu na pala un para emotions mu na dapat para bukas mu pa gagamitin…nagising ka na lang isang araw, parang wala ka na maramdaman o kinondisyon mu lang sarili mu na may selective amnesia ka at may mga bagay kunwari na hindi mu nanatatandaan…kaya ng paano ba magmahal.

Andyan lang sana pero hindi ko pinapansin….kasi akala ko andyan lang palagi. Hinayaan kong nandyan lang hanggang sa hindi ko napansin na papalayo na pala ng papalayo ung mundo nia. Umikot ako sa sarili kong mundo samantalang ilang pinto ang nagbukas sa kanya. Aware ako dun, ciguro naging masukista ako o bumaba ang moral ko dahil sa past ko. Sabi ko sa sarili ko habang pinagmamasdan na lumalayo ang mundo nia..hindi ko naman kayang ibigay ung pagmamahal na mabibigay nitong taong to sa kanya bakit pa ako papasok sa eeksena?ciguro this is the best thing to happen…nakangiti kong tinatanggap ung ganung idea…pilit kong niproproseso sa utak ko at pilit kong ni-fefeed sa emotion ko na iyon ung pinaka tamang bagay na dapat gawin.

One thing I learned…we can only fool ourself at a certain extend. Dadating at dadating ka sa realization na hindi mo na kayang dayain ung nararamdaman mo…pero wala ka ng magawa kasi iba na ang lahat.Tapos na ang kahapon, nagsisimula na ang ngaun. Sana lang…kahapon naicip ko na matagal ng tapos ung nakaraang gabi para naging iba ung ngaun.

eyes closed…(originally posted 7/24/2006)


yes right…pain is such a experience, a shindig we might want to avoid yet such thing can be viewed as avoiding the icecream when its really hot!

TAIL and GUN (originally posted 8/9/2006)


I hate myself for not always giving up and always pursuing my moral fiber… yet ironic as it can be, I love the way I am. I hate doing complicated things yet find it very attractive, much to say people always settle for what is comfortable and I feel like if that is the trend, why not follow then, but i cant.I am not afraid to dare myself to see the seamless future even if it means a dead end …or worst a pitfall. But I dont give it a damn… I’m more afraid of putting and thinking within a box. Nevertheless what I am concious of is loosing my tail and putting down my gun when the battle has just started. If I may fail…then be it but for sure I’ll be the water that flows in the river of life, wherever I might be in the few moments of my life I’m just so sure that I’m moving just like the way I want and if not… who cares, what matters is that I gave a preety good shot at life : )

Fruit shake Beer w/ a twist of Soda (Originally posted 9/1/2006)

I don’t really like it when I can’t stabilize my emotions…like when you feel like you’re a tiny candle soon to be melted away? And that no force could stop the wind from blowing you up!
Yet I just realize that we maybe all strong on the outwardly perception yet who among us can claim that indeed he can be so stiff and defensive of the agony of being torn from within?
We have mask which we prefer to be iron or steel, yet beneath that shield is a fragile face so vain from falling apart. At at end of each day we go home to rest our shattered and broken souls and finally we took off the superficial us… yet sad as it can be that we loose the thought of finding strengths from within and fight on equal ground as we rather close our eyes and get enough sleep just to stand another day of representation.
Truth is…I’m a baby who needs to be cuddle and hates it at the same time. I’m a moron who hates instruction but needs it posted in my forehead. I’m a grown up trapped in a young mind…a primitive men caged in a matured mind.
With that… I sense that we are stumbling because we are mixing up soda with tea, tea and fruit shake, and fruit shake with beer. BUT WHY NOT?! Life is one big LAB exam, got to learn the right formula to bring you into a higher level of understanding of what you are up to…and be the alchemist that you’ve been dreaming of. Never mind the questions…the doubts, the fears. Just let the "TEACHER" show you the best way to juiced up life.

OUR EXPERIMENT…HIS’ MASTERPIECE.

My Driver(originally posted 11/22/2006)

I don't want to be afraid…yet i feel like im a a tiny creature about to fall in a gigantic black hole, but then again as I look deep down in me, i could smile as I see a ray of light called FAITH, thus, I could fearlessly draw myself into the unknown mainstream coz I know I’ll be just fine.

ang saya pala(Originally posted 11/23/2006)

Ngaun ko lang narealize ka pwede ka pa lang maging masaya even just at the spur of the moment, I guess I need to stop being so idealistic and pessimistic…kasi ang sarap ng pakiramdam na nagtitiwala ka sa mga bagay na walang confirmation. I dont really know how to explain it but I want to believe in things na at the end could be just a mere fantasy.

They say words are words and people might retract afterwhich masabi nila ung mga bagay na sinasabi nila pero at the time that they said what they said, naniniwala ako na they meant it or cige na nga as a consolation, they haft meant it. And that give me enough strenght to stay put and just gladly turn my back(w/o bitterness)to find new promises just incase things would not work out.